Hey CBS: Here's Hella Reasons Why You Can Go Fuck Yourselves -- Love, Oakland

Hey KCBS, KPIX, et alia:



This is in response to your story, 5 Reasons Why Oakland Is Awesome And Ready For Its Closeup Following Warriors NBA Finals Win. The article is mostly good, if a little beer-heavy.  Art Murmur, check.  Panthers, check. Wonder of wonders, Occupy Oakland even gets a mention.  

But that first paragraph, the one featured in all the reblogging, crossposting, 
and tweeting?  It has got to go.  

It doesn't even sound like the rest of the article; maybe it was tacked on, for an editor, or by one; maybe he 
or she thought it would sell.  (It makes me wonder if the author is happy with her salary.  

Maybe writing that was worth it to her; after all, its just a little bit of soul.  A lil' here, a lil' there – easy money.)

The Warriors' triumph is important.  It is a much needed, well-deserved release.  It is something to go nuts about without being too political, without having to actually think,  without having to risk losing your job.  (Especially if you owe some lying, thieving bankers a whole lot of money for your mortgage, or medical bills, or college degree).

Besides, people tend to be woefully unfamiliar with how propaganda works, and will skim distractedly, not realizing how words can worm their way in.  Many will see just that first paragraph -- on twitter, for example -- and not the rest of the article.  

 Banner Nominated For Longest Lasting, Most Quoted, Occupy Oakland,

So, with apologies to the author,  (only fair;  in case she didn't know any better, or maybe thought she had no choice), here is a partial list of why whoever is responsible for that first paragraph can go fuck him or herself:  

1. "Ready For Its Closeup Now..."?  Fuck you number one. We were ready for our closeup when we shut down the port.  

2. "The Golden State Warriors NBA Crown is breathing life into a city..."  Whoa.  Hold it right there.  What?  The city was not dead.  Far from it.  Fuck you number two.   

3. "... high crime rates, and blight." Your Momma. This is the Oakland that Does Not Consent To Corporate Oligarchy. Or did you forget the banner you quoted? Maybe what you really wanted to say was "...more people of color, and significantly cheaper rents." Too bad. Three strikes -- no, wait -- make that three air-ball foul shots: fuck you.  

4. Oakland is more than just the red-headed stepsister of San Francisco, more than a sea of the fresh, young, faces of the recently transplanted, faces attached to bank accounts, whom the ongoing determination of Oakland protesters not only not to give up and go away, but to protest regularly, has left feeling uneasy.  

Scott Olsen, just before giving Oakland another reason to protest police brutality

5. But wait, maybe you can fix it, and say you were not so out of touch after all.  I mean, it's not really lying if people believe you, right? For instance, take the reference to "police brutality protests." No one would suspect you thought that the  peeps determined enough to keep marching down Telegraph in an attempt to remind you what 'FTP' stands for – it was a song, wasn't it? – were more of a problem than the motherfuckers whose thuglike behaviour caused the march in the first place. So call it a typo and say you forgot a comma:  It goes after "police brutality," and before "protests."

Speaking of crowd control, what's that I hear? Seven AM, and already the sky is all a-chopping.  OPD may be being lenient, but they couldn't miss the opportunity to waste a few grand in a show of force.  Just in case, no doubt.


To quote Oakland's own Boots Riley, "We got hella people, they got Helicopters."

The Coup - The Guillotine

Be seeing you.