Big Turd May Prove To Be
From Recent Godzilla Rampage

by johanna faust.
Forensic analysis conducted on the stadium-sized turd discovered filling Center Park in the wake of Godzilla's recent rampage through downtown Metropolis has demonstrated, nearly conclusively, that the gigantic lizard may well indeed have been the culprit. Godzilla himself has said repeatedly that he does not defecate, and cites local stray dogs as possible sources. While it is true that a small percentage of the extensive and costly labwork, funded by the Metro Dept. of Parks and Recreation, remains inconclusive, it appears that enough evidence has been gathered to cast doubt on the lizard's claims.

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Anonymous said...

'Pon my word, suh, this time you have gone too fah. Why, to slur the sainted name of the 'zilla be tantamount to blasphemy. Suhtainly he hath nevuh had naught but our best interests at heart.

a female Faust said...

Come now, roundly, roundly! Thou must needs get thine eyes out thy pocket & thyne nose off the ground, or verily thou shalt be made to wear ear-foons. We here be not villains nor dolts, no nor scoundrels neither. Thy words offend like therecent words of one Mr. Barton, who doth represent us teven unto His Majestie. For with so many made into ruins by the shitte, yet Mr Barton admonished *us* to be greatfull, for the nutrient-rich fertilizer we obtained thereby, free of charge!