Dear Big Bad Banker Who Wrote The Scary Email: Don't Worry...

If anyone knows who wrote the following email, which has been pinging around Wall Street and across prop desks, tell ‘em get in touch with FT Alphaville. We like the writing style.

“We are Wall Street. It’s our job to make money. Whether it’s a commodity, stock, bond, or some hypothetical piece of fake paper, it doesn’t matter. We would trade baseball cards if it were profitable. I didn’t hear America complaining when the market was roaring to 14,000 and everyone’s 401k doubled every 3 years. Just like gambling, its not a problem until you lose. I’ve never heard of anyone going to Gamblers Anonymous because they won too much in Vegas.

Well now the market crapped out, & even though it has come back somewhat, the government and the average Joes are still looking for a scapegoat. God knows there has to be one for everything. Well, here we are.

Go ahead and continue to take us down, but you’re only going to hurt yourselves. What’s going to happen when we can’t find jobs on the Street anymore? Guess what: We’re going to take yours. We get up at 5am & work till 10pm or later. We’re used to not getting up to pee when we have a position. We don’t take an hour or more for a lunch break. We don’t demand a union. We don’t retire at 50 with a pension. We eat what we kill, and when the only thing left to eat is on your dinner plates, we’ll eat that.

For years teachers and other unionized labor have had us fooled. We were too busy working to notice. Do you really think that we are incapable of teaching 3rd graders and doing landscaping? We’re going to take your cushy jobs with tenure and 4 months off a year and whine just like you that we are so-o-o-o underpaid for building the youth of America. Say goodbye to your overtime and double time and a half. I’ll be hitting grounders to the high school baseball team for $5k extra a summer, thank you very much.

So now that we’re going to be making $85k a year without upside, Joe Mainstreet is going to have his revenge, right? Wrong! Guess what: we’re going to stop buying the new 80k car, we aren’t going to leave the 35 percent tip at our business dinners anymore. No more free rides on our backs. We’re going to landscape our own back yards, wash our cars with a garden hose in our driveways. Our money was your money. You spent it. When our money dries up, so does yours.

The difference is, you lived off of it, we rejoiced in it. The Obama administration and the Democratic National Committee might get their way and knock us off the top of the pyramid, but it’s really going to hurt like hell for them when our fat a**es land directly on the middle class of America and knock them to the bottom.

We aren’t dinosaurs. We are smarter and more vicious than that, and we are going to survive. The question is, now that Obama & his administration are making Joe Mainstreet our food supply…will he? and will they?”

Thanks ft/Alphaville.

L'esprit d'escalier

(multiple choice):

1. ...hey man, don't worry. Its all good. Like, listen, uh, we're really uh, scared, okay? Way. No -- really --- you uh, win. Like, no contest. Are you sure? Wait, no, I got it, how about -- well, like, cause you write so well real good, how about I'll be sure and be, like, into what you want, so you can like come take it, ok?
2. How's next Thursday look?
3. Quick, lets' all pull a combination Tom Sawyer/ dumb Blonde (my apologies to blondes) - No way! I'll fight for what's mine! You arrogant bastard! You sicko! You don't scare me! Prove it! (etc.)
4. Assuming someone has to mow lawns, etc., they might as well be done as well as possible for the least cash. The American way, right? Let's outsource to this guy & his kind before there's some pesky regulation stopping us.
5. Ignore.
6. Wait.
7. Hey, buzz on the Street: a more people-oriented altruistic community-based image is in.
8. Do I know you?
9. Am I free to go?
10. (Enter response below)
    
    

    
    
    
    

Be seeing you.



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